Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

When I get upset I don't push friends away.
I actually want them to be there for me.

I don't get peoples actions.

The Day I Snapped.

Today was one of those days where one little thing could set me off, and I would go on a tirade. Which is what happened.

So communications class is one of my favourite courses because it is prepping me for what I am going to be doing in life, films. I have a few close friends in that class, and other people I would more then gladly like to snap in 2. There is this guy named PS, he is a douchebag, he wears brand name labels and tries to be the less hot version of JK, and he fails at it. So nobody likes him, and he has SO much attitude, he thinks he is better then everyone. The other day I gave him the middle finger for being such a prick, what does he say? "Oh the gay guy is giving me the middle finger." The teacher didn't say anything. At that moment I seriously contemplated going in the room and socking him one, but I didn't. God damn it.

There is also this other guy SH, he started off being a nice guy, then he got creepy, then he got really fucking annoying and rude. He thinks he is Mr.Director, and that he knows everything about filming and editing, the teacher is partly to blame though because she puts him in charge of everything. Well my hate for him grew last week when he came into the studio and said D and I "Sucked" and that we had motives for not filming this one guy at the remembrance day ceremony. First of all we never filmed the show, and second the guy speaking SUCKED anyways! After that he stormed out. So to get back at him I decided to run the studio when we had to direct these art projects, which is usually his job and I knew it would piss him right off.

So running the studio was harder then I thought and today I was late because I didn't feel good in the morning, so I came to class 15 minutes late. I was told by my friend R that SH was bitching about me being late and that he was going to take over the studio. I came just in time, and after hearing about his bitching I was happy. Revenge felt good. It was my first time directing and I had troubles, SH and PS were giving me attitude the whole time and I was SO fed up. After the art class left after filming the teacher started bitching at us and said that I needed to learn direction and said we were unprofessional. At that point I looked up and she was staring right at me. That's when I lost it. I told her everything I told you here. Saying how I was late because I was sick, so sue me, how I never done anything like this before, and how friggin annoying it is having people like SH and PS being a fucking bitch behind your back and hearing all about it, all the while giving her a nice touch of attitude. She said I was angry and just "Sensitive." I wasn't sensitive. I was fucking PISSED, and those 2 boys are lucky I didn't kick there god damn throats in. Especially PS. Biggest wanker I have ever met.

Tomorrows class should be interesting, I am directing again. And this time every little comment I hear about me will be met with a fist to the face. I am not taking bullshit from those 2.

I'm Just Trying To Be Happy.

I could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy
but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don’t care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I’m just trying to be happy.
-Happy, Leona Lewis.

I don't think I could have found a better song that fits my life right now.

The Uninvited Guest.

I honestly can't believe it's December. Wow. You know what that means? Christmas. But since Christmas is 25 days away I have to have other things to look forward to. Like this Friday my friends having this Christmas sweater party, awesome I know. It is required to have a sweater, and luckily my sister found me one. Also it is more of a "get together" rather then a party, but there are quite a few people invited- and then others.

So there is this boy, and he kind of invited himself and his friend to the party. He is a nice guy and all but the minute he drinks alcohol he goes all motherfuckin Amy Winehouse on your ass. It is so hard to take care of him sometimes, I never want to party with him again after I had to clean up his nasty ass puke when he barfed in my friends kitchen. He was so wasted he had to go home, and that wasn't the first time, he has done it tons of times. So every ones a little surprised when he said, "I need to find a sweater for L's house!"

WHAT!

Just Like Britney.

Ohhh my godddd. Last night was just wild. I got a little out of control and had a little bit too much (oh,oh,oh) We went to my friend S's house and got drunk then played hide n seek for a little bit, then danced, then played games. It was a nice get together and the games where fun. But somehow I managed to gulp down 7 beers, (just thinking about it makes my stomach weak) and vodka straight from the bottle, (gagging right now).....Ya. I know. Well I was fucking wasted and honestly I remember a lot of the night, but there are some parts that I can't even recall.

For example, waking up in the morning on the floor by the closet. I remember everyone being in the kitchen hanging out and I went to the bedroom to rest and went on the bed, and then everything else is total darkness. Also I was told I ate a flower. Hmm.

I need to cool down with a drinking for awhile though because today I woke up with the WORST hangover ever, I barfed so much today I feel bulimic. Also my head was throbbing but thanks to advil and lots of water I am slowly recovering from being retarded. I am getting drunk again next week though, oh god. I hope my ill feelings towards alcohol warm up by then, or else I won't be drinking.

Anyways I have to go attend my mums birthday bash, I am so excited for food, I haven't ate all day because, well you know.

Eras.

So this week I have been given the task of making a picture slide show for my moms 50th birthday party which is tomorrow. My sister went to my Nana's house to get a bunch of old albums with pictures from when my mom was a baby.

I love all the pictures I've looked at, to me they are so simple but look like art. I love looking at the clothes and the picture of my Nana and Papa when they were healthy holding my mom as a baby...

It's just weird to see my mom like that and my grandparents that young, it also makes me miss my papa ALOT. Other pictures I've found are of my cousin Mark who I haven't seen since my papa's funeral 2 years ago. I miss him, he was a cool guy and as a kid I used to look at him like an older brother that I hardly saw. I wish I had grown up as a teen in the 60's/70's it just seems like such a fun time and there was no technology to worry about.

Then again, growing up in the 90s was a pretty radical time.

Best Of 2009: Albums.

Best albums of 2009

There was too many amazing albums that came out this year that I LOVED. But in the end I had to put the ones I listened to the most on the top 12. Also I developed a huge taste for British acts, 4 of them being on this chart. Pop music defined my year as well but it came in all different kinds of genres, overall I think this year was an awesome year for sound.

Wonderkind.

Do you ever wonder if a persons really happy?

Lately I look at people at thats the first thing I think of,
"I wonder if they are happy"
Sometimes I know the answer, most of the time I don't.

I wonder if people ever look at me and think that.

Dull.

I don't know what to write as of lately.

Life is decent, but I have been going through SO many mood swings when I'm at my house, One minute I'm sad, next I'm angry, then happy. I have a good life, maybe a life thats too normal.

I could talk to you about the grade 11 sluts who hate every grade 12 especially this one girl ML who EVERYONE hates. But I won't, maybe another time. I could talk about how awesome my friends are, but I couldn't even tell them that in person. Ya I could, but I don't. I could talk about my dad, but I'll get too upset.

I'll let you know when I feel better about myself.
My confidence has taken a blow this past week.

Money Honey.

Today is my first day at Old Navy, I'm kind of nervous but I am just excited about the money. Its a 4 hour shift and basically were just doing orientation.

Money is looking really good right now.

Biggest Downfall.

Words can't describe how letdown I am right now.

So my friend FINALLY found out what play we are doing next year for the drama program I got into, and holy fuck, I think I might die. It is "Seussical the Musical!"......DIE. Ugh! Who the fuck picked that shit! This play is so god damn lame! Go youtube the show numbers, they are so poorly written and just too little kid.

I thought this program was going to help me with acting and stuff, instead they pick a fucking children's play? We are in high school!

I don't even know if I want to go anymore, I don't see how it will be fun making a musical that is bound to be shit. I wanted something teenagers would like, not little kids.

Ugh.

Best Of 2009: Singles.

Best singles of 2009

So this was a pretty huge year for music. I couldn't even think of where to begin, so I got iTunes to help me and show me my top played songs this year. I wanted to release my list early because there is no big songs coming out till next year, so I figure I might as well release this now.


It seems to me that pop music defined this year for me, with alternative coming in a close 2nd, also I only put songs that were released as singles on here, if I had put top favourite non singles... The list would be huge.

Next, Best of 2009: Albums.

Finally.

I am feeling pretty awesome right now.

So I got hired at Old Navy! Woo! How awesome is that? And its not seasonal! its part time! I'm so happy right now! Ahhh, its so relieving knowing the fact that I won't have to look for a job for a long time and soon I will have money in my bank account again.

I love that feeling. Money, Money, Money = everything I want, and I need to buy a lot of stuff. So everything is good.

Friends.

I have great friends.

I love when you don't know whats going to happen on the weekend and suddenly it turns into a magical week. This happened this last week. Friday was a huge game of hide n seek and we could barely even comprehend what was going on. Saturday was a family dinner and then I got so smashed at my friends house later. I had 6 beers, when I only wanted to drink 3. I wish I was able to stay longer but I left at 1 in the morning.

The next morning though I had a terrible hangover, but it was cured quickly. I needed to get my mind off this interview I had today so I spent the day with a few of the most awesome-st people you will ever meet to get my mind off the issue. It worked, we played hide n seek sober this time and we had a nice time again. Our group of friends usually tend to get hooked on doing one thing and then do it all the time, hide n seek is the new prank calling.

Good friends, means awesome times.

HBD.

I am taking the time out of my day to wish my blog a happy birthday, it's 2 years old today.

& I still don't know how I've been blogging this long.

Speechless.

Pleasantly surprised by how different Lady GaGa's new little E.P is. Who doesn't love a huge pop chorus with sexual undertones and 90's industrial beats. Favourite track has to be "Speechless" a bowie/queen inspired ballad, full of sweeping guitar solos and an epic piano.

Must have pop lovers.

Deciding.

OK so I have decided that I am changing my blog URL and everything very soon, like maybe today.

Decisions, decisions.

All I know if that I am going to enjoy being anonymous from now on.

Thats Life.

I feel like I am not living a life.
I do all these great things, with great friends, and it makes me happy.

But at the same time, everythings out of my control.
Guess I gotta live with it.

Never Knew.

Friday involved acting for skins, life discussions, and a gigantic game of hide n seek.

I had a good night and learnt somethings I have never known before. It was a nice night but I feel kind of sad now...

My So Called Life Update.

So today I got my mid term report card and my average is 83%. That's the best its been in awhile, and its cause I got a 90% in english. Lovely.

Also today Old Navy called and asked if I wanted to come in for an interview on Monday. Exciting, yesterday I handed out resumes to stores. My first time, and I was a little nervous at first but then afterwards I was fine. But I heard the interview is a group one, which scares me a little bit, cause that's intimidating. I find group interviews to be weird and rather bad because you can't judge a person by that. + you're already nervous to begin with and now you have to talk with a group of people. Scary.

But I'm just going to go in an be myself, that's the only way to get the job. Wish me luck.
I am now off to the school coffee house to watch some shittastic performances.